This is 41

Ouch.

Just writing that hurts. I mean like I just winced.

Where did it go?

I’ve never been one with a lot of self-confidence. Whether that came from insecurities in my head or from voices surrounding me in my lifetime, it just isn’t there.

I’ve always picked myself apart. As a woman though, who doesn’t? I’ve picked apart my body when it was younger and now looking back, it was perfect! What was I thinking to be so hard on myself?

This picture is hard. I hate it, but I love it. See how my arms look thinner? That’s because I leaned forward for a more flattering angle. So my arms look thin, but it’s really just a trick. So I hate it, because I know the truth. My smile? Ugh. I’ve always hated it. That’s a whole lot of gum right there. But it’s one of my husbands favorite things about me, so I’ll choose to love it. And the wrinkles. It’s something I’m having a hard time with. You can act as young as you want, but the eye’s tell it all. This 41 thing is hard. This is the first photo in years that I haven’t edited. I’m a photographer. I have a full bag of tricks in Photoshop that could make my arms thinner, my wrinkles disappear, my complexion that of a 20 year old, my eye’s bluer. But, no more.

You know what I’m finally realizing?

I thought I was overweight and ugly as a teen.

I thought I was overweight and ugly in my 20’s.

I barely ate in my 30’s to finally achieve what I thought was my best self or what I thought my best self should be.

Now here I am in my 40’s (winced again), with a few extra pounds, a few more wrinkles, and a whole lot more self-worth.And most importantly, happy. And guess what? I love food.

Your best self is loving yourself. You’ll never be your best self if  you’re constantly yourself’s worst enemy.

So I’m going to share more pictures. The, what I think, are unflattering ones, the one’s that show my wrinkles, the ones that show my smile. I’m going to quit putting myself down, and start lifting myself up.

Does that sound like a pep talk? Good. You try it too. The world has had enough dog ear filters, kissy faces, serious looks to avoid smiling, trying to look sultry so as not to show the wrinkles around our eyes.

Take off the filters and love yourself. The world wants to see you, not a filter.