The Clink

It’s funny how quickly you become accustomed to something.

Twirling, slipping it on, then off, back and forth. A novelty to play with.

But this morning, as I started my daily devotion, coffee in hand and a heart full of things to talk to God about, something was missing. As I began the motion I did everyday, to hold my mug with both hands, tapping my ring finger on the shiny white ceramic, it was silent. Something was missing.

The clink.

I realized I had left my wedding rings on my elephant ring holder after doing the breakfast dishes.

I missed the clink. I missed the familiarity of it. The comfort of the tapping sound. It represented a very long road to recovery. A road of finding myself again and a road to the one that made all of the broken pieces fit together.It meant a promise that the person you chose to marry, stayed the person you married. It meant love, respect and knowing you were the most important thing in his life. It was a reminder of every time he put me first, or telling me I was beautiful everyday. It allowed me to hear the kind words of respect, words of praise, words of healing when my past was shouting at me otherwise. It was his touch and how his hug could quite literally make everything better. His hand on my back was the most calming. His hand holding mine made me feel like I could handle anything. It enabled me to hear his laugh, which was my most favorite. See his eyes, which never strayed from looking at me only, letting me know I was all he’d ever need. I was enough and he had no need to set his gaze elsewhere. The clink brought forth a feeling of being whole. Knowing someone excepted you exactly as you were, your past, mistakes, grumpy days and times you fell to the floor in tears from pain, both physical and emotional. It was support, a sense of knowing that someone stood behind you, no matter what.

He wasn’t my better half, that would imply he was better than I. If he’s taught me nothing else, it would be my worth. No, he is my compliment. The one entity that can make me face myself and bring out the better me than even I knew could exist.

He is mine and I am his, and I am reminded of it with every clink.